I am blind and I can’t find my way home August 25, 2008

Me moving back in with my parents here is a very good decision. Of late, I’ve been having a lot of bonding time with my only sister, Shane, and as you can see we’ve got this photo-modeling thing going on. We are in love with the same person, Sky Kim (haha) and we dig fairly the same type of music (tho I can never really get the hang of those teeny bopperish songs she’s loving lately. Bleh. Nonetheless, nothing she could do could make me hate her.

Ok on to the fun stuff. It really is a small world, what with two people from the same school with the same set of friends, working for the same employer (well, before) meeting each other through an online network community (even when they met already years ago although they didn’t know each other back then), and currently living in the same vicinity. And they live in the same body clock time zone if there’s such a thing haha. And why am I talking in the third person?

Work, as usual, is OK. Being in front of the computer for so long is really taking a toll on my eyesight. Will see my optometrist soon. I promise.

Currently missing the Music Ministry. I dunno. I don’t have anyone to play music with here I guess. And it’s lonely.

I’m lost and alone
I’ve been wandering
Long enough, Lord

And I want to go home, to You.

—–

And now that I know that you, yes you, are reading this, I hope we find our way back home this Saturday. haha Well unless the T-Rex is successful in eating us alive then we wouldn’t have much of a worry then right?

Pose for me, baybeh August 21, 2008

test shots from my bisexual baby, Nik

Self portrait

self portrait

I’m gonna transform into a four-eyed monster muhaha August 18, 2008

I haven’t been that kind to my eyes and I can feel its effects now. epic fail
At least, I’ll look older with eyeglasses

The four eyed monster

The four eyed younger sister

From scratch begin again August 16, 2008

To celebrate my birthday, I went out last night with a dear friend of mine for a couple of drinks and a chit chat session. At the end of the night, I realized I’m a bit jaded on my view on lots of things. And I dunno if my past experience is to blame for that. I don’t want to. And I don’t think I AM blaming it on him… Feeling like this makes me want to shoot and kill zombies again.

Then again, I’m in this rut (ok, this is a bit exagg but for lack of a better term, for now let’s use that) for a reason. What good is the Lord trying to draw out from me now, as how my good friend Paul would put it. And in this state of being not so broken, yet not feeling so whole either, how do I survive with my sanity intact without feeling the need to fake this happy and contented facade?

Haha I’m not making any sense.

The Cat is alive and dead and alive and dead August 15, 2008

OK, now this is just crazy. I can’t concentrate anymore, what with this interesting idea on Schrodinger’s cat, the relative state formulation, and CERN’s upcoming test on the Large Hadron Collider. (Isn’t Physics such a lovely thing?)

Bose-Einstein condensates statistics seem to imply that matter could be in more than one state in the same dimension,at the same time (this last bit seems redundant). MWI on the other hand theorizes that matter, yes could be in several states at the same time, only they exist in incoherent universes. (ie the cat is alive AND dead only in separate uni- or multi-verses) Nonetheless, if these theories are true, could it be that our fate (our state) has been predetermined from the threshold of the Big Bang? That all of the possible states branching from that bang has spread into this multitude of universes? That our current state is not the only result from a cosmic P(A given B) but all those “sure” probabilities are carefully laid out in the vast multi-verses, us being only one of the many branches…?

And who said Theology, Math and Physics can’t coexist?

Nagmemeron August 14, 2008

Kung dala ng aking kalikasan bilang nagmemeron ay may tawag mula sa aking loob na patuloy na magmeron, na hanapin ang aking kinahuhulugan sa cosmos, at ang ontolohikal na exigencia na ito ay hindi dulot lamang ng simpleng pagkabagot, o temporal na atitud, masasabi bang ang pagiging-kontento-na ng isang taong (dapat ay) nagmemeron ay problematiko? Na ang kilos na ito ay salungat sa kaniyang mismong kalikasan bilang nagmemeron? Dahil kung ako ay kontento na, ngunit hinahayaan kong maging bukas ang aking sarili, hindi ba ito salungat sa aking desisyon na di-na-maghangad-pa? Alin ang may halagang moral kung gayon: ang patuloy pang maghangad, o ang maging kontento? Posible bang maging kontento kung gayon ang taong ang kalikasan ay magmeron?

Gotta find me August 13, 2008

Gotta motivate myself more then

Purpose (from Avenue Q)

Princeton:
Purpose.
It’s that little flame
That lights a fire
Under your ass.
Ha!
Purpose.
It keeps you going strong
Like a car with a full
Tank of gas.

21 August 12, 2008

You guys are so sweet and thoughtful A toast for the fruitful years ahead of us!

Of hair, balls, and hairy balls August 11, 2008

Dave: [You] need to see how the real world is like. It’s not all peach and fuzz. More like greasy hair and smelly balls.

Dee: Well, we could choose to see the beauty in greasy hair and smelly balls. But at the end of the day, they’re really just that: greasy and smelly. That’s good or bad, depends if you like things greasy, and smelly. or if you just like balls, hair, or hairy balls in general.

Spending my birthday with a cup o coffee and an empty chair beside me August 11, 2008

At this very moment, I am officially 21 years old. You’ve got that right. Nothing much has changed tho, or at least I don’t feel like there ARE things that changed radically in my life. I’m still digging the same stuff, crushing the same celebrities, abhorring the same ideologies. I’m a year older, but nothing much has changed really. Oh wait, no. There are a whole bunch of things that happened within the year that I’m thankful for.

One major thing: I graduated from college. Yep, and I’m currently working with amazingly smart people. In the year that passed, I lived alone in my own apartment, worked for a living, had my own business, and managed to survive. I did, right? You’re reading this, then I must be alive. Hmmm

I made new friends, strengthened old ties. Got wasted (Ha! This is why drinking is nothing new to me! haha) watched movies/plays/whatchamacallit by myself, drove a car, had a vacation by myself and in doing so, reexamined my relationship with God, went out with someone AND actually enjoy it, stay at a coffee shop til the wee hours in the morning, be a full time nocturnal being (sleep when the sun is up, wake up when it is setting), move back in with my parents when I flew back to the USA. That and more.

I can’t help but wonder sometimes tho, like I told George as we were driving back from work, if I have done something really significant the whole 21 years that I’ve been alive here on Earth. I haven’t done anything that made a really big impact in the society. Sure, I’ve been a volunteer in some organizations, but I know I could’ve done better, helped more. Have I been optimizing my stay here?

I don’t feel I’ve touched enough lives. I don’t think I’ve helped a lot of people. I’d like to be part of something again, something that promotes a worthwhile cause, something that helps other people, something that would make my existence, more, more, more…human.

And as I hear the beautiful jazz music here in this sweet little coffee shop that I am in, I’m, again, inspired to practice playing the piano. What’s great about the piano is that it can produce lovely music with other instruments, or even just by itself. That’s pretty much how I live anyway. And as I sip my warm coffee here, listening to jazzy sax music, I think back on all the things that I feel grateful for in my life. And the empty chair beside me, which is currently filled with my stuff. As to when I will be willing to clear that out, and be able to offer this chair to someone…probably when I’m ready. To leave this coffee shop, that is

just another cup

Happy Birthday to me!